


Christmas Comes to Sandford

by misura



Category: Hot Fuzz (2007)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-11 11:22:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8977603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: Danny and Nicholas have big plans for the holiday.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MakeTheYuletideGay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MakeTheYuletideGay/gifts).



"Is that chocolate cake?" Nicholas asked.

Danny tried to look cagey, failing as miserably as he always did when there weren't any packages of ketchup involved and said, "No?"

"It's chocolate cake."

"Well, it's Christmas, innit?" Danny said. "Goodwill towards your fellow person and all that."

"In this instance, I think you can say 'man'."

"Thought I might go see my dad," Danny said. He look a bit defiant, like he expected Nicholas to object. "I mean, he's my dad."

"I understand."

"And it's fuck awkward, you know, what with Pete and all. I mean, would _you_ want to spend Christmas with the kid of someone who maybe murdered your cousin? Or your nephew. Or your whatever."

"I understand," Nicholas repeated. "May I just say one thing to you?"

Danny's expression was a little wary. "What?"

Nicholas put his hand on Danny's shoulder, as was approved in the official body language guidelines by way of a gender-slash-sexuality neutral expression of collegial support and-slash-or comfort. "You did the right thing, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. Arresting Frank - your dad, that's nothing you need to apologize for. That's not a 'little indiscretion'. That's you, doing your job, and I have never been more proud to call you my fellow police officer."

"Thanks," Danny said.

 

"Does that snowman have a - "

"Yup," Danny said, licking at his cornetto. "Kids, eh? So, anyway, what about your plans, then? Got something special planned for the holidays?"

"I dunno." Nicholas had always worked during the holidays, except for that one time when he'd promised to meet Janine for a romantic dinner. "Pub?"

Danny chuckled. "No, but seriously. Family? Friends?"

"I never really knew my father," Nicholas said. "When I was six, my mother told me he was an archaeologist. When I was ten, a trapeze artist."

"Cool."

"When I was twelve, she finally told me that he'd died before I was born. Traffic collision."

"Sorry," Danny offered.

"It's all right."

"Bet it was your Uncle Derek all along," Danny said. "I mean, makes sense, don't it? Always around, and he got you that pedal car."

"You think my father dealt drugs to students?"

"Well, hey, look at mine," Danny said. "Just goes to show, I guess."

"Show what?"

"Dunno. Something."

"Whatever. Can I borrow your jacket?"

"Sure. I guess. What for?"

 

"Look, Danny - " Nicholas opened the door to the temporal police station and recoiled.

"Looking," Danny said. "Hey, Andy. Andy. Nice beard."

"Fuck off," Andy said.

"Why, comma, don't you," Andy added. "And what's his problem, anyway? What, they don't have people dressed like Father Christmas in the big city?"

"My apologies," Nicholas said.

"They do, as a matter of fact," Danny said. "Got stabbed by one, didn't he now? Shish kebabed straight through his hand. Single most painful experience of his life."

"Is that so?" Andy asked, pulling down his beard.

"Actually - " Nicholas started.

"Fascinating," Andy said, pulling up his trousers. "Consider us positively riveted."

"I - "

"Sorry, fellas. Duty calls," Andy said. "Danny. Nicky."

"Sergeant. Constable."

 

"Still can't believe you gave my jacket to a snowman," Danny said.

"You'll get it back," Nicholas said. "Probably."

"And what for, eh?" Danny shook his head. "Bet you someone steals it. Kids, eh?"

"So what was it like, growing up in the best village in all England?"

Danny shrugged. "Okay, I guess. Not bad, or anything. Not great, either. Guess I turned out all right in the end though. That's something, right? What was it like growing up in London?"

"I experienced a very average childhood, comparable to that experienced by thousands of other children of either gender. It was a bit lonely sometimes."

"Got beaten up a lot, right? You said." Danny shrugged. "Guess that's one good thing about having a policeman for a dad. Want anything from the shop? No, don't tell me."

"Cornetto."

"Called it."

 

After Sandford, the prison came almost as a relief to the senses. Absent were the jingles, the sleigh bells, the gentle tap of snowballs hitting the windshield. Gone were the reindeer, red-nosed or not, the many colored lights, the shadows cast by an army of unarmed Father Christmases.

"Sir," Nicholas said.

Frank sighed. "Don't tell me. Crime is on the rise, the village has been positively infested by living statues, jugglers, and grown men and women dressed up as characters from a popular series of children's novels, and you are here to apologize."

"Dad," Danny said.

"Well, the good news is, such problems are easily dealt with. All it takes are a few good men and women, willing and able to put the needs of the many ahead of the rights of the individual."

"The greater good?" Nicholas said.

"The greater good." Frank beamed. "Precisely. How's Janet Barker doing, by the way? Everything all right with the boys?"

"Dad, none of those things you said happened," Danny said. "I mean, we did have that book release a few weeks back, but it was all good fun. I saved you a bottle of butterbeer."

Frank sighed. "Danny. Son."

"Only then I remembered all the rotten things you'd done so I drank it," Danny said. "So there."

"I think what Danny's trying to say is - "

Frank lifted a hand. "It's all right. I forgive you. You're young, idealistic. You've just discovered what it means to fall in love. I'm not made of stone. I know what it's like to love someone, possibly even more than life itself. To lose sight of the bigger picture."

"Dad - "

"May you burn in hell."

Danny winced.

Nicholas frowned. "Is that any way for a man of God to speak? A man of peace?"

"Both of you," Reverend Shooter shouted from the adjacent cell. "Sinners! Blasphemers! Heathens! Pagans! Heretics!"

"Technically speaking, sir, I think you'll find that - "

"Faggots."

Nicholas sighed, leaving the Reverend to his rambling. 

"Bundles of firewood?" he asked. "Bitch. Six down. A female dog."

"Bless you," Joyce Cooper smiled at him kindly. "You wouldn't happen to have any pictures of Janet's boys with you, now would you? Oh, I do hope they're growing up all right."

"I'm sure they are," Nicholas said. "Are you quite certain that you're in the right cell block?"

 

"Wild, eh?" Danny said. "You nodding off in the middle of the movie."

"Did they kiss?" Nicholas asked.

Danny chuckled. "Naw. There was a good bit near the end, though. Wanna hear?"

"That's all right."

"Right-o," Danny said. "Spoiler alert, eh? So, I've been thinking."

"About?"

"London."

Nicholas closed his eyes. "You wouldn't like it."

"You mean _you_ wouldn't like it."

"My ex lives in London," Nicholas said.

"Janine," Danny said. "Oh, right, I get it. Afraid we'll go comparing notes, eh? Figure you all out between the two of us? All your weak points and such. Stuff you like."

"I like cranberry juice and action movies where people fire their gun in the air going AAAH!"

"Well, it was just an idea," Danny said. "Open for other suggestions."

"Pub?"

"I fucking cherish you, man."

Nicholas sighed. "Was that the bit I missed near the end?"

Danny grimaced. "That obvious? I thought it flowed into the conversation pretty naturally. I mean, as far as spontaneous declarations of affection go, that wasn't so bad, was it?"

"It was all right."

 

"Two pints of lager."

"Right you are, my love."

Nicholas frowned as Danny found them a table and set down the two glasses.

"What?" Danny said. "Did they miss a bullet hole?"

Nicholas sipped his lager. It would never match the cranberry juice for taste, but it helped him to, as Danny had put it once, 'switch off that big melon of yours'. "Just thinking."

"Well, what else is new?" Danny chuckled. "Nice though, innit? Couple of blokes taking over the pub like that. Heard some woman's taken over the supermarket, too. Wonder how many bullets they'll be prying out of those walls."

"Should be somewhere on one of the forms," Nicholas said. "Ammunition Used, subsection E, paragraph 17 slash c."

"Right," Danny said. "Fair enough. So I hear the Drama Society's doing A Christmas Carol this year. Want to get tickets? Might be fun."

"Might be not. Any good reviews?"

"Dunno. I think Doris is playing an angel or something."

"Doris is playing an angel? In A Christmas Carol? Charles Dickens's A Christmas Carol?"

"Yup. And Saxon's a donkey, on account of their not being able to get a real one on the stage."

"Danny, are you pulling my leg?"

"Guess we're going, then?" Danny said. "Cool. Drinks after, my house?"

"Why don't you come over to my place this time?"

"Sure thing. I mean, it's all the same, innit? What with us living together and all."

 

"Danny?"

"Yeah?"

"I fucking cherish you, too."

**Author's Note:**

> the movie quoted is 21 Jump Street, which does not include kissing but is still very bromantic


End file.
